When The One You Love Dies
When a loved one dies, it always hurts us deep down in the soul. Sometimes it hurts so deeply that recovery is a very long road. My uncle died because of the overwhelming grief of loosing my aunt. Even though there are support groups to help in these situations, but I know from experience that the ones that I tried do not work. To totally understand the feelings that are held by people like me, have to look deep for that feeling. It is a feeling so strong and so much a part of us that when it is missing it can destroy us as a person. This is a feeling that I would call love. When I was ten years old, I lost my mother to the cold embrace of death.
Love is one of those feelings that set us apart from all other animals. Love is the epitome of what it is to be human. Everyone has heard the quote by, Rene Descartes, “I think therefore I am”, but in reality it should be “I love, and therefore I am human”. When I lost my mother I felt like I was being alienated from the human race. I felt like I didn’t belong.
It was on my birthday, over eighteen years ago, that my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Three months later she told me with tears in my eyes, “Eric, Mommy is going to die.” That was the last time I have ever cried for anything emotional at all. I just bottled everything up, which led to my seven year depression. Two months after that, on July fourth two thousand one, my mother passed away in front of my eyes. It was and still is the worst feeling that I have ever had. It felt like my world had ended and I had nowhere to run. I was locked in an endless nightmare.
She passed away at the Halifax Regional Medical Center in room 442. It happened just as the grand finally of the firework display began. When my mother breathed her last breath I said to all of those around me that” look, the angles of heaven are paying tribute to the entry of my mother into heaven.
After my mother died it was only me and my ninety seven year old senile grandma and that was it for the Johnson family. All that I could think of was “why am I still here among the living when I could be in paradise with my mother”. The bond that my mother and I had forged could me compared to a tree that needs the sun to live and to survive.
One of the most vivid memories of me and my mom was when we went to Sweden for the last time. I was eight years old at the time and even though it was ten years ago I can still remember it like it was yesterday. We went to go see some of my mothers’ old friends from college. While we were there we got to go on her friends sail boat and got to fish all day. We got to play golf and also got to go visit Lego Land. I hade so much fun, it was filled my heart with joy and love for my mom. It made me feel like I was loved and cared for. I could feel the love radiating from her whenever I was around, and she and I were always smiling. I will never forget all of the fun times that we had to gather in Sweden.
Another one of my most vivid memories was when we got to see john glens last space launch with the Discovery. It was absolutely amazing. Since my mom worked in Titusville which is on the opposite side of the river that is right next to Cape Canaveral, we got free front row tickets. There were spelling out his name in the air with airplanes and the launch kept getting delayed. Even with all of that happening I didn’t really care, I was with my mom talking, and laughing, and having fun. We brought radios and listened to the reports and the progress of the shuttle. It felt like I could fly I was so happy. I really thought that I could do anything because my mom was there and when ever my mom was with my nothing could go wrong.
Love. The nature of love is a mystery to us, yet we strive to understand it and to feel it all at the same time. My mother always taught me that love is something that endures forever. Also that love is a feeling that everyone feels at least once in their lives. It is the moment that we were born. The moment when we were given life, we feel the love from our mothers and we feel the love from god. I was lucky enough to be able to feel that love more then once. I got to feel it whenever I was with my mother. Even now I can still feel her love for me past the grave because our bond was so deep that not even death can keep us apart in love